hey, it's me again, for whoever has read the blog... or is reading it, thanks i spose for for showing some sort of interest. i shall talk a bit bout my past, or my future i spose, i really donno where either has been or where it's going, i want love, not just a one night stand or something like that, the feelings between two people when they think they're gonna spend the rest of their life together. i've had it before, or at least I had felt that way, then it all fell apart... i miss her, we've both done stuff in between and some people are so glad that i'm no longer with her... but i miss her, i dont even know if she feels the same way.. i still have her little notes to me in my wallet, lol, i have a picture that her god son took of her and me stealing a kiss... lol that crafty lil kid, and i still have a hole where she used to be, i;m not sure what i want exactly anymore, closure, to move on into the future... or to visit the past. In the words of some novel i was forced to read, the river flows both ways, the past and the present are always flowing, a new experience in life could cause you to look at the old on and look on it in an entirely different way, what i did a few weekends ago made me do just that, i looked at what i once knew and it was different, time had changed, memories, and the feelings came back as strong as ever like a current held back at a dam all of a sudden being let free.
Sigh, on a lighter note, i miss my old teacher mel, him pushing my limits of the english language, expanding my understanding of such things as this river, or just a kid brought up by crows, nature vs nurture, or even choice. it's my choice here ladies and gentlemen, i've been consumed by the drought for so long, but now the dam has burst and i'm drowning in the repercussions, i choose to either leave the waters and search for dry land, or i can wallow in the depths.... i wish to wallow for a while.

Goodbye again to your beautiful smile, your lips, your mouth, your eyes.
goodbye to the times, i cant tell you the truth, but i can't live with my lies.
i don't know whats which or where to begin,
but i know both our pasts are covered with sin.
The future is murky and the past still unclear and thoughts of you daunting my dreams
i'm searching my feelings i'm searching the world and i fear i don't know what it means.
forgive me my lover, my unfavored end, my liar, my longing, my friend
as long as i'm living i will go on sinning, it's my means to disposable end.
The night i told you i love you i still remember, a slip of tongue, more ways than one.
i remember what you said... it wasn't the same as me, yet.... but it soon was.

anyways, that's actually all i got for right now. sorry. anyways, i should be working right now but the vehicle is frozen. hugz and tugz for all yall.... wait.... no tugz