all of you consider yourself lucky

you know lately with some people it seems to have been a competition to see who can actually make me mad, please i emplore you. stop it. you do not want to see me mad. today i was close to losing my control, i climbed the side of a building to get a guy who had locked the doors and taken the stairs to the roof. you do not want to make me mad, so please dont. . ... .. ... . . .. ... . .. . .. . anyways, it always kind of hurts me to hear how much happier people are without me, honestly it seems everyone is. and honestly i miss you all, the times, the laughter, i thrive on happiness. all this drama is killing me, why do people have to question things, i'm me ok, i'm proud of it, there is nothing wrong with being yourself, the reason you now hate what i've become is because i cared to much to show you all of me to fast. that is what i wrote about when i said i don't want to hurt you. i wrote that month ago now, frick all this drama, sure makes for alright emotion for writing but it doesn't work well for a guy who loves happiness, i love writing as well, and as you all know most of my writting is dark, but i prefer too write from OTHER PEOPLES emotions not my own, people always think that they know what i'm talking about here or there.... . . .. ... ... . no you don't. i don't care if you think it's about you, sometimes a person just needs to write something out there doesn't mean it actually has anything to do with anything. anyways, kinda looking forward to this weekend, although i have a feeling there may be more drama. some women have a specialty in that. well i got back from edmonton the other day, frick wasn't all that much fun to be honest, rather woulda made the trip with someone else, conners a good enough guy but not really all that fun sometimes. and honestly sometimes it feels like he's challenging me. like he's tryin to say i'm better than you. sorry to say but he comes across as an arrogant young buck. oh wait, that's what he is. there is more to the ways of the world than what you see conner, it's not only your views that count. it's only your views that count to you, they do not apply to other people. if you want people to treat you like you are something special, DO something special, don't just expect respect. i've climbed buildings, i've been shot by fireworks, i've spat fire, been driven over, been stabbed, nearly shot, i've had my heart broken more times than i care to recount and still i try to learn, cause i know there's more out there for me to test myself against, i know what i can handle, and it's anything that comes my way, i may not handle it properly but it's been handled and i've learned from it... you have not, you are young. so learn, don't just sit content... learn. other people are a fountain of knowledge more often than they are a pile of drivel do not fear the unknown.