the long lived lies

you can pull out my throat, i don't care, don't need it anyways to say what must be said it's better that i don't speak, it's better that i don't do anything at all, i can't protest innocence or guilt or say anything at all anymore it seems my throat isn't all that's now missing, my heart isn't what it once was, ha, how could it be after what i've done, the thought that i thought that it could have been is indeed laughable. my mind still another story still messed up if not more, i'm inclined to think the latter but what do i know as i said, it's more messed up than before. my love for life..... so much for that idea.... but it's the only one that keeps me going, somehow i still trust in people however many times they let me down, however many times they put me down, somehow i trust them, care for them, love them as i wish they loved me. but how could they love me a throatless, heartless, headless beast of burden wandering this world with wonder and excitement, only the young still see the excitement, people "my age" can't see the wonder in just being alive still, or being alive to begin with, you say, BUBBLE WRAP and they wonder why on earth they would care and what on earth is your problem, if you can't take joy in small simple things, what's not to stop you from enjoying the "important" things, i'll let you in on a lil secret, everything is important and everything doesn't matter, it's all on how you look at it, and in my world, or even in yours YOU get to choose what is important and what isn't there for it all. so the the lie live on let the lives play out and let you get what you deserve, i deserve better than that but i'll settle for what i can get, we all will, you and you and you will all take what you can get cause of course what else is there, surely nothing more.... THERE there is always something more you just don't know where to look for it, but something that is looked for always found in the last place you look so why not keep looking, you just don't even care anymore you've conformed you'll take it and you'll like it and that all that can be done.... or so you think, you don't do much of that for yourself these days now do you, i'll always think for myself that's why i am who i am and not him or him i'm me, try it sometime i think you'll get lost in the experience cause that's all i am an experience drifting aimlessly enjoying it while i can cause apparently i have to grow up apparently i have to conform apparently all this must one day end but guess what, i definately don't care. i'll take every single moment that i can and turn it to my own enjoyment their misfortune, my amusement, their pain my joy, i will laugh at their demise as they all try to be so perfect, so different by being the same i will revel in their failure and go on being my own.
So let it end when i walk away just leave it at that, i won't blame you infact that's what i asked for even though i looked back when i walked away it was to think what could be, and not that i wish it were.. cause it won't, it can't, it will never be that way. maybe with another beginning perhaps, but that was definately the end. this is definately the end.

i leave my mind. i take the trip the world is gone and i am sick