the frosted webs in snow

winters growing slowly, yes winters growing cold, theres snow thats falling slowly, and slowly's getting old. i've torn apart my heart and this is what i've found, it is now as cold, as the snow that's on the ground.
and the webs that hang in shadows, the webs that hang in night, are sitting there, there frosted but somehow it feels right,
the frosted webs, the moonlight night, i stand in wonder at the sight,
it used to be, you and me, now all i'm left with is the frosted webs in snow..
the frosted webs in the snow, you killed me now. why won't they let go
it holds me there, till all the blood is gone, the frosted webs in snow, why can't i move on.
i seem very very cold, the frost has got me, getting deeper deeper still these webs about me.
here i am for all to see, held up so gently, here i am and here i'll be the frosted webs have got me.
when summer comes i'll still be here, unable to move, unable to breathe. maybe by then i'll be warm in sunlit days, maybe then i'll be sure about my worldly ways, untill then all i can do, is sit here waiting, until the spider comes that's you, oh how aggrivating
come to suck the life out from me, the deed has been done, you've already won



anyways

and the beef sandwich shall rise up.

so yah, here i am again, ummm something odd happened to me today, something that i can say really only has happened like 4 times in my life. and that is someone appologized to me, and i think they might have actually meant it. i was kinda shocked and had no idea what to do, i'm used to the idea that people are jerks, i mean seriously after the fall it just makes sense. but while i didn't know what to say, know that it means something, thank you.... yah that's all i really have to say.

and so once again i shouldn't get my hopes up.

hello one and all.. tonight i was having a wonderful night, i had poetry flowing through my body like you wouldn't believe, i was dancing with glory to God without hindrance in the snow shouting his name. but i got my hopes up once again. for a few weeks now i've had my eye on someone, and i know i screwed up on a few things recently, but she didn't know how i felt doesn't even know what i've done. but now she's in a relationship.... and once again i learn that getting my hopes up only leads to them being destroyed. i don't feel any different towards her, hey i'm happy for her for finding someone, she didn't know, how could she. but now here i am again all alone and in pain. once again reliving all of my heartbreaks. is it a wonder carly why i don't wish to love anymore? is it really? anyways peace

should i go the hallucinations?

well i ran into my ol bud alan today, he says his record for no sleep is five days, but he also said that he started hallucinating when he did that, i'm almost tempted to try doin that up, but no. i have been thrown off already by that. went randomly to eston today, frick i don't wanna talk to much today, people kept askin if i was ticked off. or something like that, not really i donno, i just prefer blocking some stuff out sometimes, it just makes things alot easier, i don't care what i say, even though i realize i run my mouth off alot, anyways whatever. i gonna go bed now

you may not have been trying, but you ruined all i knew at that time.

anyways here i am again, any of you who know my facebook go check out the vids GET A KITTY, and power up. lol 95.1 fm has nothing on THIS rambling dave.

hello day dream,

sorry day dream apparently i shouldn't have a love affair with you, apparently the world wants me to put in my two cents... meh screw the world, what have they ever done for me, they shut me down when they want to, they put me down to raise them up, they don't want my pennies they just want me to look a fool, everything works out well in my day dreams, women don't cheat on you, everything works out fine, heck you might even be driving a new car, but hey that's just a day dream, what do i actually know, not much, but everything in my day dreams, everything i make is absolute fact a world unto me and my own, it's just a dream but it's real, not really, it hurts that it cant just be real.

he who says so be it

i don't mean to be mean but sometimes that's just how i come across, so here goes, if you think me mean so be it, i do still care, i don't care if you like me or not, i don't care to see you get hurt, is it to much to ask to see a friend, or talk to one another, no i don't care that you didn't say hi, i don't care that you talk to starla, just pointing it out didn't mean for it to sound like i was hurt cause i'm not, and i do try to talk to you now and then, but all i get is the regular i'm good, what's new oh i'm busy, same ol same ol, so be it, oh and i just realized, if your dad had taken that job here i'd be workin for your dad, it was my store that needed the new manager. but past is past so be it, anyways i'm gone

romantics death

so it would seem i have two new poems for anyone who wants them tonight, i think both points are stated in them, so i think i'll just blather on for a bit, once again my room is freakin cold, i think jeff should move here to nipawin and we'd work at the coop and cause mass destruction throughout the town, you, the fat kid in toronto, i dislike you. brennon this goes for you even though you probably won't read it, i put some of your hurt into here.
I don’t have the rite to tell you what to do, i don’t even have the gall, i want to help you make it through cause it hurts me when you fall, when you scrape the bottom of the barrel, rock bottomless soul i wish i was still with you, to feel you made me whole. You tossed me aside not ready for me, you made me hurt but not, cause i shut it all out, i miss you, but i shut it all out so not. I didn’t show really how you hurt me, i didn’t show just how deep you had cut. I don’t think that i could stand you now but always i’ll love you, but, you moved onto another so miss me, you moved on to another mans stead, you moved onto another mans shoulder you chose him over me just instead. So i’ll just tell you now please be careful, beware of the other mans bed cause in it you’ll still be lonely and inside your soul you’ll be dead. Out of spite, out of hatred, out of lust, out of control, you’re out of things next goes your soul cause that’s all he wants and you know it, that’s all he wants in the end. While we want your love and your happiness, we want your laugh and your smile, he wants nothing like that he wants to use you a while. We always lose in the end it would seem, we always settle for less, we are the romantics longing, thats what we are we confess. But we always lose in the end it would seem, you don’t want to be praised and beloved. You want to be held as an object it seems, instead of held up in our love.


I’m losing my patience, i’m losing my warmth, i’m losing my love, and i’m losing control. I’ve lost loves before, several infact and it doesn’t change the point, romantics always lose in the end, we give our hearts away peice by peice and you never return them, you ladies who prize them, hang them dry for all to see. We see we saw, and hate it all, cause after the hearts gone the cold reigns supreme, not to be thawed by all that we’ve seen, the darkness is ruthless it shatters us all, and when my hearts gone i’ll shatter and fall, so close i can smell it so dark and disturbed i know i will hate it and love it in turn, the dirt and the filth all the darkness within the sweet smell of lust the sweet taste of sin. The romantics will die one by one till we’re gone and all that is left is your displays and we’ll think of you with hate and disgust we’ll hate you till the end of our days, cause we loved you so much and you still have our hearts but hate ourselves we now do, because it would seem we gave out our hearts the romantics now die thanks to you. I’ve come to an end now i’ve said what i must, a romantic will soon die indeed, cause my heart is out there with you and with you so soon is a sad day indeed.


there you go everyone les fin.

all of you consider yourself lucky

you know lately with some people it seems to have been a competition to see who can actually make me mad, please i emplore you. stop it. you do not want to see me mad. today i was close to losing my control, i climbed the side of a building to get a guy who had locked the doors and taken the stairs to the roof. you do not want to make me mad, so please dont. . ... .. ... . . .. ... . .. . .. . anyways, it always kind of hurts me to hear how much happier people are without me, honestly it seems everyone is. and honestly i miss you all, the times, the laughter, i thrive on happiness. all this drama is killing me, why do people have to question things, i'm me ok, i'm proud of it, there is nothing wrong with being yourself, the reason you now hate what i've become is because i cared to much to show you all of me to fast. that is what i wrote about when i said i don't want to hurt you. i wrote that month ago now, frick all this drama, sure makes for alright emotion for writing but it doesn't work well for a guy who loves happiness, i love writing as well, and as you all know most of my writting is dark, but i prefer too write from OTHER PEOPLES emotions not my own, people always think that they know what i'm talking about here or there.... . . .. ... ... . no you don't. i don't care if you think it's about you, sometimes a person just needs to write something out there doesn't mean it actually has anything to do with anything. anyways, kinda looking forward to this weekend, although i have a feeling there may be more drama. some women have a specialty in that. well i got back from edmonton the other day, frick wasn't all that much fun to be honest, rather woulda made the trip with someone else, conners a good enough guy but not really all that fun sometimes. and honestly sometimes it feels like he's challenging me. like he's tryin to say i'm better than you. sorry to say but he comes across as an arrogant young buck. oh wait, that's what he is. there is more to the ways of the world than what you see conner, it's not only your views that count. it's only your views that count to you, they do not apply to other people. if you want people to treat you like you are something special, DO something special, don't just expect respect. i've climbed buildings, i've been shot by fireworks, i've spat fire, been driven over, been stabbed, nearly shot, i've had my heart broken more times than i care to recount and still i try to learn, cause i know there's more out there for me to test myself against, i know what i can handle, and it's anything that comes my way, i may not handle it properly but it's been handled and i've learned from it... you have not, you are young. so learn, don't just sit content... learn. other people are a fountain of knowledge more often than they are a pile of drivel do not fear the unknown.

they drew first blood, not me.

For those of you who don't know what the name is from, it's a rambo referance, basically stating that he didn't start it,they brought it upon themselves. well, ladies, so be it. anyways, i thought today was gonna be a crappy day, didn't go over so well before work, didn't get paid, (some oversite or something like that) got crap from some people at work before i even got there (even though the crap should have been directed elsewhere) and yeah, i find myself once again sayin women... CHEESE! seriously tell a guy that is interested in you, and that you've said you're interested in him, that you're not interested in him and theres other guys, people say i need to think my words through, well that just sounds... well you're reading this so figure it out yourself. so i'm workin with creeper rob today, he doesn't like the idea that someone younger than him has authority over him, for i am supervisor and have authority over all i see at work. anyways, he pretty much refuses to empty the garbages, even though since he only works till eight it is his job. he says, well you guys can do it to, IT'S YOUR FREAKIN JOB CREEPER ROB. i cannot stress how much of a creep this guy is. i don't care you can come to work high, drunk, or only partially clothed, i don't care as long as you do your job, this man does not do his job, he's obsessed with windows, AND HE DOESN'T EVEN DO A GOOD JOB ON THEM, in the time it takes ME to do 5 cars fueled and washed HE'S STILL ON THE SAME ONE, and i'm not quick at windows. so to wrap that up i greatly dislike this fellow.
on the bright side of the day i won 20 bucks on a texas holdem scratcher and someone gave me 15 bucks, and someone will probably give me some more money because there's booze in my trunk and spook is tommorow. anyways i'mhere on supper break so i suppose i should probably go get some supper. PEACE

a wife, life, and strife

well then, i would say to you all out there in the land of the interweb, good evening, however it is only an alright evening, so i bid you that. where to begin, how about here.
i find myself wanting a relationship and not for what some of you might think i'm not just looking for something that most male teens look for. i'm looking for someone to be there for me, and someone i can be there for. i look at my friends with wives and see wow, they are lucky, they have someone there for them, say how their day went, dreams and hopes, they have someone to share that with... me, i have this blog, so horray, i'm married to a blog.... the sex is horrible lol jks. i went to help my friend shore move something today, and he's not havin a good day either this or that it's been a long one, and now ontop of this, we can't fit his water heater into his basement where it needs to be by tommorow, we moved it inside and everything only to find out, won't fit in the hole.. blows, but i gave him some chocolate and hopefully that will help with his night.
i am having an alright day, a coworker threatened to kill me if i dont start doing the paperwork right, same girl who cuffed me in like grade nine because i said something stupid.... i mean honestly, if someone punched me everytime i said something stupid i'm pretty sure i'd be unconcious for most of my life. anyways, i just kinda laughed whe she said it, she has anger issues, i encourage happiness wherever i can, although laughing in an angry persons face perhaps isn't the best way to do that, but oh well.
so yah, this weekend should be interesting, one of my exs is coming to visit, at first i thought it was to visit friends and stuff back here, but apparently it's to visit, me, i have no idea what we're gonna do, there's nothing to do in nipawin, we used to just cruise around talking, so i donno what we shall do, no lie, i felt for this woman like no other. everything from love to fear, i just hope that i don't end up doing something, as i have mentioned, i have my eye on someone and am waiting for her, oh which reminds me, tiara, according to facebook you're in a relationship, congrats. hope it works out alright, anyways
that's about all i should write for now, i'll talk to everyone later i suppose

so i seem to be getting close to a blog a day

incase any of you haven't noticed i seem to be up to a blog a day, i'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but hey on the bright side i finally got my keyboard working again, it used to have certain letters that wouldn't work, stuff like that so... horray, so i've actually gotten some feedback from some people it would seem, and one of them i'm guessing would be carly.... carly, send me your blog lol, the pablo thing kinda gave it away, anyways i'm on my supper break right now, i'm with some of the better workers today, and i'm STILL working on trying to get one of my other computers internet, but now i discover someone has stolen the mouse from it, so i need to lay my hands on a new computer mouse, stupid desktop, first this then that, but hey, can't complain to much about something you got for free, BUT YOU CAN STILL COMPLAIN, anyways, so it seems i might be back into romance, not the novels never got into those, but i mean it's possible in my future that i may be dating again, we shall see, anyways, thank you all for reading, or at least pretending to read, SALUTE

advice from a doctor as a friend

so today is off to an interesting start, my dad decided to stay home from school today on account of the fact that his bones feel brittle, i tell him he's just getting old, he doesn't seem to believe me though, anyways he had booked an appointment for me to go see the chiropractor as well, but he only woke me with about ten minutes to go till the appointment, so i went and almost hit a building because my eyes weren't focusing right quite yet, that woulda been a good one to do ay, there goes the nipawin chrysler building taken down by a vw.... who woulda guessed, anyways, so i went to get my neck snapped, and man did he ever take it to my neck, as it turns out his son had just gotten married like the week before and he said i shall give you advice, not as a doctor but as a friend, you find a woman that is like you, makes you happy, makes you laugh and smile and maybe even cry, you marry her.... but if she's like you don't bring her here, you cause enough damage, i can't imagine two of you. anyways, lol i know someone like this, but no ladies and gentlemen.... i'm not ready for marriage, antways now that the election is over here you guys go

Blind, battered, bloody my eyes they are gone, my mouth full of gouging wounds, I spit out this blood I hold my fist tight, and with my hands I feel the pain of the world. Teeth gone, eyes cut out. Yet I hold teeth and eyes, but they are not mine, the world is deep in hate, they cut out mine I take theirs, until we both are blind, but blindly following we all are, why can’t we think for ourselves, if I had not cut out his eyes he would not have cut out mine, so now here we both are blinded by the beliefs of a dying world. We follow our leaders, the chosen idiots of us all, those who have the most eyes in their hand from forcing their words upon the ears that remain, few can see them for what they truly are, they hold our sight, and we cannot tell the world who they are, they hold our tongues. These idiots only know what they are doing so far, win for today, win for today....for they know tommorow we die, they can see it coming, with so many of our eyes they know that they must live for themselves, who cares if there are so many under them, they are just a pile of corpses to step on to get to the top, represent the people on whom you stand, hold out their tongues for the nations to hear about us, hold up our eyes so we may see the damage we have done.


cheers

ladies and gentlmen, actually not to sound vain but i know only women who read this thing.

anyways tonight went relatively well, work wise and otherwise, i got out of there when i'm normally supposed to, then i went to shores and we watched some ghost rider, we then went for our usual evening ride, and had some fun screwin around with other drivers on the road. lol blocking the road and other such nonsence, good times shore, anyways, just a quick note tonight, i'm to lazy to write anything much else.

another day, another peice of electronics has aids

good day ladies and gentlemen, actually i'm not sure how many people actually read this so just hello to whoever has enough time to do so, for those of you who don't know my writting style, i write to draw emotion from the reader, doesn't matter if i felt whats in the words or not, they aren't really from me most of the time, i'm just the vessel, i do not read what i write most of the time, i thank some of you for your concern but in all honesty not many tears were shed, sorry, here's a new one for the world to see i guess, i been workin on it a while, well rather i started writing it long ago and left it, i read it on my walk about (rather drive about) while sitting in my car i edmonton during a storm, this is how it ended up,

fueled by the pain you throw back on me my fire burns bright in the skies, you say that you love me, you say i'm the one, but you say you live life with lies,
what to beleive, who to decieve, held back by fire and desire, i let myself go to the end of my line, said things i regret, it's transpired, but i said it all, cause you made me fall the woman once i had desired.
birds fly with wings, so high above us all, but you'd clip their wings and cause them to fall, i soared once like them in cold, clearly bliss, but now it seems a tale to tall, i once beleived that i could soar where eagles glide and men adore but i have learned a little thing, about a girl who clips birds wings, higher and higher the heat it would send me, now i walk down by the flames, cut off my wings and pain is not all i receive, a life of wanting to fly up above, to look down on war and love and such petty squabbles, but all that forgotten my broken wings rotten i smell them and cry in despare.
You took my dreams, and now they're regrets i sit alone with my cigarettes i spin this tale about all these things, a stupid girl who clips birds wings. i thought you'd help me back to my nest but all i have now is pain and unrest, i cannot fly like my brothers no more, cause i know a girl... who's really a whore. a whore to the world, false pleasures it brings, a whore to a song, whichever she sings, a whore to the pain, she loves what she brings, you're just a whore, who clipped this birds wings.
So many times i've tried to ignore the pain that you gave me and i tried to sore but i fall from the trees to the filth at the floor because of you, stupid girl whore.


that's that one, it was about a previous relationship and how i felt about it, but i finished it after yet another break up, so it's actually just got raw pain but more poetic and visual than some of the other things i've written, and this one, like FEW others i actually put myself into, thought about it, used my feelings and not just ideas, there should be a new one coming out of me any day now, and not to worry to any of you who care, artists live on pain of one kind or another, longing is pain, loving is pain, hating is pain, acceptance is pain, life in general is pain but finding words to describe and ways to carry on is beauty, ladies and gentlemen writting is both my pain and my beauty, i don't write so i feel, i feel that i should write, this or that, doesn't matter, as long as it makes a difference to someone, i may not even know who, but if you've read this, i hope you've thought about something, anything, as long as you've felt, that's what my art is about, you, the reader, your feelings... enjoy

oops,

so i had meant to write in here last night, but i never really got around to it, last night seriously i was full of something that just needed to get out, and i don't even know what, we'll see if anything from that is left over.
scream and i scream these words, let me out to live, i don't want to be this way anymore let me live. i'm trapped inside with all these tears it's drowning me alive. i've been swimming for years fire lost in tears i'm not the flame i once was, you doused me in tears you've shrunk me with fears and now all i want is to be free. as soon as i'm out no more tears, i will shout, THIS IS THE MAN WHO IS ME, i'm not afraid of you anymore only the tears that i've shed, i don't want them back i don't want to end my life living in fear isn't me. i'm the man of the hour someone elses strong tower but apparently not anymore, as i scream from within all these tears all this sin make me feel that the world is a whore. so i'll escape from this whore make my own girl, no more will i dwell on the past loves i've lost. all the things i've been through i always was true to think that i'm something more. i'm afraid to love again, afraid to live again, the only thing left is my pain, so i'll crawl up the throat and claw and cut and stab and thrust till i'm out again, till i love again... it's pain.

well somehow i think that could be pretty close to what was coming out last night, seriously i was driving and yelling and screaming and hitting things just to feel something, nothing feels real anymore, i gave my heart away to freely, i never get the peice back, they've been abused and tossed aside and all that's left is tattered and torn, sigh..... i'm gonna go watch a movie,

by george it's friday, i think it's friday,

soooo as it would appear i've made the title of this blog into two different referances from rather famous peices of literature, it may not be perfect but hey, you win a prize if you can tell me which peices, a hint, turned out to have grown accustomed to her voice, and friday is a black day indeed. ANYBODY, anyways, i seem to be able to walk a little better today, although the hip is still killing me, tonight i get to let the manager close lol, i showed him how more or less last night, anyways so as it turns out there are supposed to be two rank concerts coming up in december in stoon, on the same day... different venues, and i REALLY wanna go to both, but i can't :( so what shall i do.... BLOW UP THE OCEAN, (a lil more obscure of a reference, this time to an online cartoon) k seriously, most of the people i work with are STUPID, no literature read at all, theres maybe three or four people that i actually like workin with, denton, you're niave... think that's how you spell it, but you get stuff done, you smile, you're good with customers, jesse, no more drinking at work and you'll be fine, anna, k you're cool and have other redeeming qualities, :P, new manager seems alright, although your name dana, honestly i think of a chick or some desert called a danish... or is that breakfast, meh either way, tis food. anyways i think i'm gonna go read some more, bye for now

nish?

so anyways, i had another day of work today, and it's raining/snowing/sunny out today, me and a co-worker decided to see who was faster in a sprint, i wasn't sure but he was bein cocky so we put money on it, midway through the race i lost my footing, i bit it pretty hard i have cuts onmy hand elbow and hip, along with a really nast bruise on my hip, and i lost the money to boot, anyways, make friends of the decrepid

anyways 2.

Well anyways, i'm not sure if i've called one of my other blogs that yet or not so i'm just callin it number two. sigh by popular demand and yes vader i mean you again, lol you're popular and demanding :P, i have decided to write on here again although i seriously think you're the only one who reads this drivel. work was indeed bareable today, lol actually many parts of it made me laugh even though i have some sort of head cold that is starting to really annoy me, so.... devon showed me his pecker at work the other day and tried to jack one of my knives so i threatened him with the other one, almost needless to say he ran outside put his pecker away and gave me back my knife, apparently courtney tried makin out with cole, lol, WHORE, anyways, seriously, 16 years old, nine guys, and now you're after two at the same time.... i thinks i summed it up with whore a few lines earlier. me i'm doin alrigt, stupid head cold, ummm women are stupid, but no... i'm not gay, but hey, can't live without women, anyways i think i'm gonna go eat some pizza,

working works.... to destroy mankind

well alrighty then, vader you get your wish, i have decided to write another blog, although about what i'm not entirely sure, i been workin my arse off lately, i wake up at like noon and do my university course for a while, normally i just take a quiz a day but i could probably do several of them in an hour and still have plenty of time to bugger around before work, ah yes and work, at working for only a week i already have a key and a code for the alarm system, i get to close out the store, this would be alright except for the fact that i work with idiots, lyne, you're a pain in the arse, kirsten, i'm right here, say it to me, don't leave a letter for the manager, and next arse hole to put something in my drink i'm opening your mouth and shoving it down your throat. sigh, and honestly if stuff keeps not adding up i'm killing someone, denton so far you're top on the list of people who will go when i shnap, anyways, so i'm dating again, oh lol i'm not even sure my blog told you about my last break up, tiara dumped me, and now i'm dating her best friend, i'm not entirely sure how happy she is about that, either one, but oh wells, i'm happy so be it, i need to get myself a new car, i can barely win a race against a peice o turd tempo, like sure i get it that i get alot more gas milage, but still, i want like a second car that will haul them, anyways i think that's all for a blog for now,

does she see the way i look at her? when she turns away... i can't help but wonder what she's thinking about, but i know what i'm thinking... i'm thinking how can i be so lucky, how can i have found someone that i care for, and she cares back... i love the feeling of just being around her, no words have to be said. what i say i will because i mean it, i don't want to lie... she makes me so happy. i'm content in the quiet, i know i'm not alone, i know there is a possibility, that i will never be that way again... i hope i'm not. She loves me now, and i hope she always will. but one other thing i know is, that i don't want to hurt her, but i know that i could, so easily, just push to far and there's no turning back, what's done is done... i don't want to do that, i don't want to be sorry for things not yet done, i don't want to hurt you with what i've become. part of this world has shown me it's hand and there's life without love and i don't understand, how people say that they love you and then walk away, they say they won't leave you, with nothing to say. well that's not my story, no more, accidents. i'll try not to leave you behind in the dust, if i myself am ahead of myself just tell me, i'll come brush off the dirt and grime......
oks, so i donno where that one was going, but now i want to just write totally random, that last one actually had some meaning. the next one just angst

tear into me oh darkness obscene you can't have seen all of me yet, you're as dark as my eyes and overcast skies the dust in the clouds at sunset. here i am a hole, so deep, the darkness spreads as people speak, the lies they spread swallow whole, with goal, deception and lies.
They lay on the street they say that you're dead they just want to know, they want in your head, they want you to feel the hate and dispair they want you to feel like you shouldn't care, if you're down and your dead and you stare at the skies, they all have a goal, deception and lies.
The stars they don't care, such a small speck of dirt, you're nothing and no one, and yet you still hurt. you think that you're actually important to things, but hearing the truth sometimes only stings. you're more important than dirt, than filth, and than flies. but these all have one goal, deception and lies.
To tell you that life is just here and just now, the truth is, is nothing, and that's all, just somehow. To make you think that this is the end when really it's just all we know for now. but there's more, i promise you, i promise the sky, that no more deception, but truth, when we die.


anyways, both of those just first time through, rough draft, i haven't even read them yet, feedback welcome. love you tiara if you're reading this.

morning or night, i donno, don't care

Hello dr. mike... HELLO EVERYBODY. it's me here, donno who you are there, but welcome.
as you all may or many may not know my girlfriend has gone to bolivia for a month, this leaves me alone... bite me. lol the last few days have been long and... well relativly fun i guess, there has been alot of rockband being played and i'm actually getting at least kind of good at it, which i suppose is ok except for the fact that i had once said anyone who's good at that game has no life... i seem to have lost my life this weekend... someone help me find it. YOU THERE, THE FAT ONE IN ONTARIO... HAVE YOU SEEN MY LIFE? anyways. sorry fat man, i didn't mean to poke fun... but i do wish i could poke your belly. so i'm not sure if it's morning or night and i donno what time it is in bolivia, but if you're reading this hun, i love you. email me. anyways about the time think, i think the time on this compuer is out by an hour but i don't know in what direction, so it's either morning or night, and i donno, it's pretty stupid and i know i said i didn't care but it's kinda driving me a bit weird, anyways i'm out hugz all yall scrall yall

ladies and gentlemen, i've returned to love.

Well hello ladies and gentlemen, or whoever the duce happens to be reading this blog... whoever you are.... so be it. Anyways, as you may or may not know i had an interesting break up a while back, things were going oh fine and dandy cept for one thing, drama seems to follow this girl. so i called it off, wasn't easy and honestly i didn't think i would settle down again after, i went the other way for a bit, i wasn't looking for a long term relationship anymore heck i wasn't even looking for a relationship. I ended up destroying myself, to anyone who's been there before, or is even there right now, it may seem like fun at the time, but in the end you have my deepest sympathies.
I then went to a friends birthday party, well actually her brother invited me, he asked me to come because otherwise he would be the only guy, this being an 18th birthday party for a girl... I went, i didn't know what i would find, i couldn't have known, because i found her... Hun if you're reading this, i love you. In all honesty though when i first met you i had no clue that we would grow into something, some people say they know right away, the love at first sight, it wasn't this with you.
Some people say "hey i don't think it's going to work, she's so quiet and you're... well you're not." and to you i say.... bite me? yes i think bite me will work, you have no understanding of what happens between us, you ask oooh how far have you gotten?... did your mother teach you no manners at all? are you really just that shallow? no i know you better than that, but you really do seem like a complete dolt sometimes.
Back to you Hun, the first time you messaged me i was intruiged here was this girl who had said like two words the whole night all of a sudden messaging me on facebook, well that got me interested because at first i just thought you were shy, but here you had taken the chance and looked me up, added me, and talked to me, during the next while it was like that, day in and day out, not a word in person, and it doesn't matter, you're thoughts will still get through.. I love you, and i wouldn't have it any other way. no matter what others think

You've helped me return to love, to my better self, not the one who doesn't care, who won't respect you, Thank you.
i feel like writing, but i don't think the blogs are yet ready for my writing, or wait no that the writing is ready for the blogs yes that would be it. fair well to all for now

good day to anyone that may or may not be reading this blog, as for if you are or aren't either way you are still here and therefore subject to my ramblings, i'm not sure if i mentioned it in my last blog, but i'm now 19 and with that in this place that i live there are all sorts of new possibilities, well actually just one really that opens up a buncha doors... i shall say this... beer sucks, anyways, it's come to my attention, as it shall now come to yours that i am no longer single, WOOHOO for me. to bad for any ladies reading this thing, sorry ladies, guess you'll have to settle for the other guy. oh well, just thought i'd randomly come and post cause i havn't in a while. i leave with this. they say money is a neccesary evil, i say it's evil that makes money neccesary.

the lack of thought

well well well, i'm back here in the land of the internet and i figures hey i might as well write something up, i don't know what though therefore the lack of thought, last night i was having a conversation with someone and for some reason we got onto the topic of philosophy, which personally i describe as the lack of straight line thought which fortunately is something that i accel at seeing as my mind either jumps around or i really don't know what the duce i'm talking about so i just keep on yammering on about something or other until the person i'm talking to can't tell heads from tails,. speaking of heads from tails i wander what coin coined that phrase. like seriously when you flip a coin it's HEADS OR TAILS, theres a head on the coin most of the time sure, but what the butt coin has a tail of any description sure a nickel has a beaver, which has a tail sure. but i'm quite sure it's an american phrase to begin with. anyways i'm to hungry right now to continue writing so i think that i will probably just go get some food. talk to you all later.... or eat least write something that someone somewhere might read once upon a time

INsatisfaction

sigh, normally i'm more than satisfied with my regular choice of car, the 80's style vw jettas, but omygosh, i think the water pump broke on me, dangbdang BDANG. anyways, once again i am at work, it seems to be more or less what i do, i'd like to give a shout out to sean, man rock on, make me laugh, and as usual i do stupid things, lol, i still find it funny what you told me bout bri, but rockin out was fun, met many peoples. lol, i def probly wouldn't have called that one girl if you hadn't said go for it man... well i might have, lol. anyways, friday me and sean went to a concert, i only remember friday night fistfight and broken ambulance, but i do remember the security guard started givin me and others crap bout moshing, so i distracted him outside, AND NO ONE REALIZED HE WAS GONE, sigh, here i go outa my way so people can get crazy and i come back in and everyone's just standing around. anyways, was sposed to go to a real killer concert on saturday, but they sold out like an hour before we got there, so me and sean just bumbed around town for a bit, ruckers, boston legal, lol, aight time, 1031 tickets from ruckers, add that to what we have from last time, lol eventually we're gonna get like an ipod or something like that, but it will take many visits, even if the games are broken lol, (FREE TICKETS) anyways, today i discovered what the smell coming from the van was, thank you very much mother, those steamed carrots and colliflower you left in the van were loverly..... now the van is home to two air fresheners, and a can of febreeze. AND THE OFFICE STILL SMELLS, mary (who is deaf) didn't hear me say what i had discovered and she was on the other side of the wearhouse and she proclaimed... WHAT'S THAT SMELL? once again, insatisfied, anyways, i'm gonna head er now, hugz and tugz to all yall.,... wait, maybe forget the tugz

i'm not amused..... WTC?

k i just realized something when someone says "i'm not amused" basically they are saying that i'm not not thinking about something or other, which means they're thinking about it, why would one say that i mean like seriously theres like busting someone bubble right there, bugger non amusers, honestly if i were to count all the times that i've been amused honestly i havn't been thinking about anything half of my concious life, anyways on another thought, i tend to be the kind of person who lives and learns by mistakes, the thing is, it's not really a good thing that i know so much then 8-) DANG lotta mistakes boys and girl, and even some of you ladies and gentlemen out there. speaking of mistakes, i never really finished the post from the other day, long story short, i doubt anything else is gonna happen with her there, but i shure wouldn't want to go on with life without actual love. anyways, i'm about wrapped up here so all yall have a good day, i'm off to finsih a book and maybe just blow some stuff up, haven't decided yet, OH by the way, i need to like get ideas for what to blow up on my birthday, chances are if you're reading this you know me, so gimme some friggen ideas of stuff to blow up on my birthday.
TA

hey, it's me again, for whoever has read the blog... or is reading it, thanks i spose for for showing some sort of interest. i shall talk a bit bout my past, or my future i spose, i really donno where either has been or where it's going, i want love, not just a one night stand or something like that, the feelings between two people when they think they're gonna spend the rest of their life together. i've had it before, or at least I had felt that way, then it all fell apart... i miss her, we've both done stuff in between and some people are so glad that i'm no longer with her... but i miss her, i dont even know if she feels the same way.. i still have her little notes to me in my wallet, lol, i have a picture that her god son took of her and me stealing a kiss... lol that crafty lil kid, and i still have a hole where she used to be, i;m not sure what i want exactly anymore, closure, to move on into the future... or to visit the past. In the words of some novel i was forced to read, the river flows both ways, the past and the present are always flowing, a new experience in life could cause you to look at the old on and look on it in an entirely different way, what i did a few weekends ago made me do just that, i looked at what i once knew and it was different, time had changed, memories, and the feelings came back as strong as ever like a current held back at a dam all of a sudden being let free.
Sigh, on a lighter note, i miss my old teacher mel, him pushing my limits of the english language, expanding my understanding of such things as this river, or just a kid brought up by crows, nature vs nurture, or even choice. it's my choice here ladies and gentlemen, i've been consumed by the drought for so long, but now the dam has burst and i'm drowning in the repercussions, i choose to either leave the waters and search for dry land, or i can wallow in the depths.... i wish to wallow for a while.

Goodbye again to your beautiful smile, your lips, your mouth, your eyes.
goodbye to the times, i cant tell you the truth, but i can't live with my lies.
i don't know whats which or where to begin,
but i know both our pasts are covered with sin.
The future is murky and the past still unclear and thoughts of you daunting my dreams
i'm searching my feelings i'm searching the world and i fear i don't know what it means.
forgive me my lover, my unfavored end, my liar, my longing, my friend
as long as i'm living i will go on sinning, it's my means to disposable end.
The night i told you i love you i still remember, a slip of tongue, more ways than one.
i remember what you said... it wasn't the same as me, yet.... but it soon was.

anyways, that's actually all i got for right now. sorry. anyways, i should be working right now but the vehicle is frozen. hugz and tugz for all yall.... wait.... no tugz

This is my blog...

So... this is a blog, almost would have thought something fancier, but alas, it does seem rather straight forward. in case you have an extensive vocabulary and knowledge of history, you know that my blog is named the tax, more thoroughly it was a roman tax instated every 15 years. The timing of the tax has nothing to do with the name of my blog but rather the idea of the word tax itself, to tax ones self may imply that he has pushed himself to some limit or another (or herself to any women whom may be readying this) which is what i've done in recent history... hmmm recent history, maybe save that one for later, now also tax can be used as something taxing ones thoughts now this is the use of it here, i shall be taxing your thoughts, either with sheer stupidity or maybe i shall actually say something that makes you think.... how ironic is it that something that plagues your thoughts is taxes but plagues tax your thoughts... anyways. i may or may not be able to keep this blog updated very regularly, but when it is i hope you enjoy a read... if anyone does indeed read this thing.
I drive for a living, and make sure that there is new inventory in stores, i get alot of time to think about things when i'm on the road. i hope you will join me in pondering some afterthoughts.